Every Monday I will share with you a entry of what I would normally write in my personal journal/diary to the lord. I will be doing this to be more transparent and hopefully my pure honesty will help somebody else in their walk. Please Don’t judge me guys I am not an English teacher so bare with me grammar police lol I just want to boast in my weakness for a moment because I know that God can use the weak. 1 Corinthians 1:27
I want to start off by thanking you for all that you have done for me and how you have been covering me in the blood since I could breath. Lord I don’t want to come off as ungrateful but right now I hate my life. I dislike where I am right now. I hate how I feel. I hate that I don’t put enough trust in you like I know that I should. Lord continue to give me a mind to want to live for you and to stay saved. Lord I am very grateful for all of thee activities of my limbs and how I’m growing with you but I hate that my career seems to be at a stand still. Since I was younger lord I always knew that you called me to be set apart as well as to do something great for you because God lets keep it real I never really “fit in” anywhere. Lord when I gave up my job, my wants, my old life, and my old ways I originally thought atomically I would be blessed but God you have been testing my faith like never before. I always said verbally that I have faith, come on now even my name is faith but to be truly going through physical faith is exhausting. God I honestly could complain all day but I lowkey asked for this I asked to be used I cried to be your vessel and now look at me hating my life or whatever. I’m so grateful God that you are a long suffering God. I’m grateful for the fact that you are even listening to my pathetic stories. God please don’t move the mountain if this is what is needed for me to be who you called me to be. Please God don’t listen to me if I’m just whining and not seeing how my inner man is growing. Please God don’t listen to me if this is building me to be what you need me to be. Please don’t listen to me if this apart of what I need for the future. God can you please give me strength off of your strength. Help me not to be a complain box lord please help me to walk in love. Help me to pray in this season and not become a lazy servant God. Help me to do things your way not my way. God this isn’t my walk this is your walk. Everything about me is borrowed help me to remember that. God if I am holding unto any strongholds or idols please help me to get rid of it now. I need you lord I am a mess. I am broken mess God fix me, mold me, bring me out victorious please God. Help me read your word as well as believe your word. Help me to meditate on your word. Help me not to care what others think of me. Lord help me not to be a Facebook Christian. Help me to be bold and unashamed when it comes to you. I need your help lord. You took away everything now you’re my everything. Help me to be honest with you and not hold back. Help me to be a submissive wife to you lord. I just want you to say well done thy good and faithful servant. Moral of the story is I need help! Thank you for listening to me God thank you so much I love you so much. I seal this journal entry in Jesus name Amen.
Ps. Please help me with school God and building my brand I want my thoughts to be your thoughts so I’ll fast to hear from you. Also help me to understand that you’re not a genie you’re more than just blessings I’m sorry if I forget that at times forgive me lord.
Ttyl until next time 😘